Feb 19, 2012

Redemption Time

The feeling that you feel when you feel that all your hard work has culminated in one supreme moment of success is second to none. Unfortunately, it's only a feeling.
Work is like the waves of the ocean. Just when you think you've ridden the last of them, another never fails to pop out of the surface and test your guts all over again. And the relief when one wave retreats is but temporary.
Picture an academic year. Say, 11th grade for example. All that work, home-work, class-work, record-work, revision, notes, projects etc.
And picture this guy in 11th grade. 16 years of age. Nearing the prime of his life. His last outing in an academic year ended in ultimate glory, a 10-point GPA in the board exams.
A year on, I'm afraid I should correct myself. I just felt it ended in ultimate glory. I just rode a routine wave which the meteorologist had wrongly called a tsunami. In 11th grade, I "feel", being too afraid to "know", that I've seen the real stuff. The first semester exam packed a punch larger than I could have imagined. And I just survived unto the last round. Not in grandeur like Muhammad Ali. But effectively enough to be able to tell the tale. And I rose again, only to be met by the site of yet another wave.
I must admit, I'm rather an expert when it comes to the tests, the small waves. Simply jumping at the right time, to avoid any major trauma. Just a slight wetting of the foot, some irritation perhaps while walking in the sand later.
In fact, the second time around after the first semester exam, I nearly aced the test. Ripping in all subjects, almost. And despite the best efforts of easily the best chemistry teacher I've ever learned from, organic chemistry was simply too hot to handle.
And so, when the dates for the final exam were announced, I sought redemption, not only for the abject organic chemistry performance, but for the whole year. Something to make all the strife and the struggle of the year gone by worth living. Handling a large wave after all that work would atleast make it feel worth facing all those small waves.
Much has changed in the intervening time. The exam is just two days away and here I am with red eyes, blogging about my pathetic situation.
And no, the red eyes are not from too much studying. In general due to the overuse of my eyes, be it watch a movie, play on the computer, just facebook or study.
No sign of any want of redemption. You see, when the schedule was announced, the time gap between myself and imminent doom was large. Indeed, there's a proverb in Kannada for just my situation. Dooradha beta noonige. (A distant mountain looks smooth). But as one nears this mountain, the treacherous slopes, the sheer climbs and the rocky faces do stand out.
Soon, all my enthusiasm was gone. Two days was all it took for me lose the will to fight. The "I'll study before the exam" feeling took over.
And now that "before the exam" has arrived, my mind is in no way prepared to study, even after much coaxing and insisting.
To be fair to myself, I do end up studying. My grades do contain alphabets you would be more likely to find at the very beginning of a dictionary. But 11th grade hasn't seen me scale the heights I once did in 10th.
For once the exams are here, the "before exam" time frame is taken up by the "been there, done that" feeling. Unfortunately, I have begun to find satisfaction in being intermediary between good and excellent. I find myself well settled, without inducing much wrath from others or working myself out to any large degree.
But in excess comfort lies an adversary- overconfidence. And the only way to extricate oneself from this fierce foe is to make occasional forays out of this comfort zone. To test yourself and find that your still not there, will really wake you up.
Which is why, for now I shall stop my hands from typing (with quite some will-power mind you) and cease to lengthen this post, say good night to my laptop and good morning to my books, who have never had the pleasure of my company in a cheerful mood. Perhaps it is my fault.

A Copy of the Essay

The Rotary Wing Society of India recently conducted an all India essay writing competition for 11th graders. The theme was "Helicopters are angles from the Sky".
So here's a copy of the essay which brought me the all India second place.
Sky angels
He sat tired at his verandah, the last rays of the setting sun creeping through the minute gap between the curtains and illuminating his face. Tired, worn out and sans inspiration it looked. And he felt the same too.

In fact, he had nearly made up his mind to quit his current job, find a new place of work, a new life, with half the work and twice the salary. A good deal indeed. And he was taking time this Friday evening to brood over this new offer. Ferrying passengers from the plains of The Ganges to the shrine of the Himalayas seemed a noble job. And much like the day outside, his career was in the twilight.

On second thought though, it wasn't as good as it looked. Ferrying people to see God would give satisfaction, but not quite as much as sometimes being seen as god yourself. He was interrupted by the door-bell. Most probably it would be his wife, back from a day's work. He had given her all the comforts in life, true. But never luxury. For his skill, his experience, he could offer her more. And the new job would give the much needed impetus to his bank balance, which again, was comfortable but by no means exorbitant. To his surprise, it was a man at the door - a postman. The merry nature of the envelope gave everything away. It was yet another meaningless letter, with a "Thank You", which was once said and forever forgotten.

The next morning, he awoke, more solemnly than zealously, and made his way to his office. He thought it would be yet another routine day. And he was right.

The same watchman hardly noticed him, the same boss passed without acknowledgement of his presence, the same colleague walked to him and told him a dozen or so helpless people were drowning off the coast. He went with the same co-pilot to pick up his flying suit.

Three hours later, he returned. He had to get his own coffee. but there was something different. He was visibly buoyed. It was a daring effort, swooping down in his chopper adorned with a red cross. He had lifted a whole crew, right from Yamaraj's backyard. And while he did it everyday, he knew today's was a special effort. The howling wind, the stormy weather and his performance against all odds, had rekindled the spirit in him. Brought back the feeling of pride, sense of satisfaction, he lived to experience as an air ambulance and rescue pilot. The stuff that had enthralled him as a child, the feeling he felt after his first rescue, it all came back to him. It vindicated this off-beat choice as a career.

And it was in high spirits that he returned home, gleefully accepting the coffee his wife gave him, proceeding to the same desk he had sat the previous evening. Among his unopened correspondence, was the previous evening's letter.

Dear Sir, (the letter said)
I write this letter, to thank you, to tell you how much it means to me that you have saved my brother from the jaws of death. It lifts me, drives me, when I know that we have men as committed as you, as selfless and as daring serving in our country's helicopter rescue services. I suspect that I am not the first, nor will I be the last to write to you a similar letter of thanks, of unbound gratitude, which knows no measure.

And I will not continue into how awed or amazed I was by your heroic feats, or how much it means to my family like everyone else, but I would like to impress upon you how fortunate you are, and how noble your business of flying is.

Indeed, a majority of the public have come to view flying as routine, recreational, non-essential. One look at you would suffice to put all these misconceptions to an end. The advantages of a helicopter are many. They are quick, affordable, maneuverable and can reach out to the remotest of regions, in the roughest of weather and the trickiest of terrains, the bloodiest of battlefields, at just the right time, to search, evict, evacuate, or simply to scan swathes of land. They can do so, stealthily, or by proclaiming their presence, driving fear into enemies hearts and hope into the hearts of the helpless. They can be as quick as lightning, or steadily proceed. In offense or in defense, in peace or war, on land or on sea, night or day, anytime, anyplace.

But to a man such as yourself, who has handled these winged beats for nearly a lifetime, these academic facets of a helicopter are, I presume, prerequisite and of least interest. Far more important, is that you know, realise, everything a common man should associate with a helicopter.

To the lonely man in the middle of the desert, the drowning woman in the ocean, the orphaned child in the murky waters of the flood, the adventurers tangled over rock faces, soldiers caught in sprays of bullets,helicopters are like angels, spiraling down to earth, with the rhythmic melody of the blades chopping through the air, intervening against fate herself. And to these helpless people, the men and women guiding the angel to earth with skill of the highest degree, nerves of steel and hearts of gold, are the gods of the modern world. Defying the odds, showing unparalleled bravery, courage, guts, commitment, selflessness. And all this, in the most trying of circumstances, challenging of flying conditions and in the most adverse of conditions.

And today sir, in my eyes, you are no lesser than a god. What these helpless, innocent and faultless men and women feel when they perceive your mighty birds, cutting through the air, coming to them, to quite literally, lift them out of their troubles, cannot be described in words. It would take them more than a lifetime to let you know, their ecstasy, their elation, how quickly their despair turned to delight. With their hands losing grip of their life, the soul about to depart, hungry, battered and bruised, they arise inspite of all their troubles, knowing that once within the confines of the chopper, they will be safe, from the hands of death, which ever so nearly grasped them. And filled with gratitude for the hand that pulled them out, your noble hand.

I implore you, my dear sir, to reflect upon all that I said, and if you were to ever feel dissatisfaction, monotony or a need for change in your job, remember that you are in a position where you save lives daily, touch hundreds of lives , winning millions of hearts. And please know, your work is never unrecognised. For it warms my heart at least.
Yours Gratefully
..........

So touched was he by the letter, by the words and the heart-felt gratitude flowing through them, he could hardly stand. His eyes were swimming in tears. And that the letter was anonymous seemed to add to the gravity of the feelings.

No, he wasn't a god. Yet, there was much truth in the man's words. (And when he came to think of it, woman's words). Yes, ferrying people to the Himalayan shrines would give him money. But here, in his office, never knowing when a soul in distress would need his aid, saving lives, extricating people from the thickest of soups, that was where his heart lay. It was nobler, gave him immense satisfaction. He was indeed fortunate. As the kind man had said.

And in all this life, it was the first letter of gratitude that actually told on him. It had come at the right time, just when he needed it. Like a helicopter, the letter had entered from nowhere, and he was trapped in its feeling, knowing he was safe, like a patient would feel inside his helicopter. He felt the same gratitude to the writer. He had evicted him from imminent sorrow. From a new job, where all his interests were only commercial, rarely human.

And here, he planned to stay until he could carry on. Commercial flying was tempting, it paid him more. But it was here, his heart lay. Being the God on the Angel of the Sky.

And for the first time in his career, he regretted that Sundays were holidays. He wanted to work. The zeal had returned.

Feb 16, 2012

Souls in a Hurry

Whether you believe in God or not, the sanctity of a temple is unquestionable. God as a concept is abstract, something impossible to define. It is difficult to picture God as a person. It would be impossible for a single person, even while possessing the capabilities of God, to possibly do all that stuff. God would have to be a lawyer, a judge, a chartered accountant, an engineer, a doctor, a banker and every other profession you can possibly come up with. The wildest I can is "travel blog writer" and here, God assumes the role, doing the rounds around the world, chronicling in his mind the deeds and the misdeeds of millions. He would also have to have atleast 20 sense organs instead of the customary 5.
Easier to comprehend would be God as a form of energy, something like Universe energy or some such "cool" term where the whole Universe is a single whole.
And the deeper we delve into the realms of spirituality, religion, and the fine lines that allegedly separate them, the more profound turn the paradoxes, the ambiguities and the stupidities.
No, I am not here to question God you see, for at the age of 16 I would much rather be rambling about Iran's foreign policy (which I find extremely awesome) or which chemical re-agent could possibly turn n-hexane into benzene.
And it is in the fear of these highly intimidating hexagonal molecules that I turn to God, confiding in him the irrationality of learning something I frankly don't give a damn about. And so, these complex emotions found me in the temple, seeking an answer without knowing what question, when I observed this lady.
Well, I call her a lady out of mere formality. "Girl" would be closer to reality. And boy, was she in a hurry, pushing aside any object that came in her way with supreme gusto, be it inanimate or living. All this in an effort to get to vantage point to view the idol and place her hand over the mangalaarthi and seek his blessings. I could give you a hundred, no a hundred and fifty reasons why her actions were downright foolish.
And while not knowing whether God is this very cool dude or simply an extrapolation of the self as some see it, I can assure you, one simply does not pray in a hurry. A temple is where you forego all your worries, where your boss's voice and all the world's evil is dimmed in the pristine peace that is supposed to exist. God resides everywhere. Hence, there's no need to be so anxious to view his mere idol. Or demand theertha with such urgency.
And having obtained this holy water, she spun gymnast style and fell down to a pseudo-namaskaara her nose losing and gaining Gravitational Potential Energy in a matter of seconds. How the temple was different from everything else for her, I couldn't see.
The rigidity of her muscles, the robotic nature of her movements and the sheer lack of any kind of peace or tranquility on her features would convince any observer (me included) that by this visit to the temple, she was out to prove something to the world, or to show how she was wronged.
No, I don't claim to be a saint of a higher order, a great spiritual thinker or anything close. I only say, that a temple is to loosen yourself, burden another with your troubles. And atleast believe they will be lightened. And if your lucky enough to have no troubles, pray that no one does you that unwanted favour of donating some of theirs.
And once within the precincts of a temple, it is imperative to stay calm, composed. Live it like leisure, for God is never in a hurry. And whoever, whatever he might be, you certainly don't have to be frantic to grab his attention. A silent, heart-felt "please" might just do the trick.
And if a temple doesn't make you feel better, or different, it's only because you are the same within a temple and without. Seeking to create a niche for God in your life which is like your life rather than his. You see, God has no cranky bosses, deadlines or time frames. Implies then, that when you seek anything from Him, you had better ask it his way. Less so for him to connect or make him understand better (he will understand anyway) but more so simply to soothe yourself and feel for yourself the change. For the difference is within us. Not within the temple.
And it's not about knowing what it is. It's simply about believing whatever it might be.