Work is like the waves of the ocean. Just when you think you've ridden the last of them, another never fails to pop out of the surface and test your guts all over again. And the relief when one wave retreats is but temporary.
Picture an academic year. Say, 11th grade for example. All that work, home-work, class-work, record-work, revision, notes, projects etc.
And picture this guy in 11th grade. 16 years of age. Nearing the prime of his life. His last outing in an academic year ended in ultimate glory, a 10-point GPA in the board exams.
A year on, I'm afraid I should correct myself. I just felt it ended in ultimate glory. I just rode a routine wave which the meteorologist had wrongly called a tsunami. In 11th grade, I "feel", being too afraid to "know", that I've seen the real stuff. The first semester exam packed a punch larger than I could have imagined. And I just survived unto the last round. Not in grandeur like Muhammad Ali. But effectively enough to be able to tell the tale. And I rose again, only to be met by the site of yet another wave.
I must admit, I'm rather an expert when it comes to the tests, the small waves. Simply jumping at the right time, to avoid any major trauma. Just a slight wetting of the foot, some irritation perhaps while walking in the sand later.
In fact, the second time around after the first semester exam, I nearly aced the test. Ripping in all subjects, almost. And despite the best efforts of easily the best chemistry teacher I've ever learned from, organic chemistry was simply too hot to handle.
And so, when the dates for the final exam were announced, I sought redemption, not only for the abject organic chemistry performance, but for the whole year. Something to make all the strife and the struggle of the year gone by worth living. Handling a large wave after all that work would atleast make it feel worth facing all those small waves.
Much has changed in the intervening time. The exam is just two days away and here I am with red eyes, blogging about my pathetic situation.
And no, the red eyes are not from too much studying. In general due to the overuse of my eyes, be it watch a movie, play on the computer, just facebook or study.
No sign of any want of redemption. You see, when the schedule was announced, the time gap between myself and imminent doom was large. Indeed, there's a proverb in Kannada for just my situation. Dooradha beta noonige. (A distant mountain looks smooth). But as one nears this mountain, the treacherous slopes, the sheer climbs and the rocky faces do stand out.
Soon, all my enthusiasm was gone. Two days was all it took for me lose the will to fight. The "I'll study before the exam" feeling took over.
And now that "before the exam" has arrived, my mind is in no way prepared to study, even after much coaxing and insisting.
To be fair to myself, I do end up studying. My grades do contain alphabets you would be more likely to find at the very beginning of a dictionary. But 11th grade hasn't seen me scale the heights I once did in 10th.
For once the exams are here, the "before exam" time frame is taken up by the "been there, done that" feeling. Unfortunately, I have begun to find satisfaction in being intermediary between good and excellent. I find myself well settled, without inducing much wrath from others or working myself out to any large degree.
But in excess comfort lies an adversary- overconfidence. And the only way to extricate oneself from this fierce foe is to make occasional forays out of this comfort zone. To test yourself and find that your still not there, will really wake you up.
Which is why, for now I shall stop my hands from typing (with quite some will-power mind you) and cease to lengthen this post, say good night to my laptop and good morning to my books, who have never had the pleasure of my company in a cheerful mood. Perhaps it is my fault.
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